There has been a lot of media attention surrounding Miley Cyrus following the MTV awards at the weekend. To say her performance was provocative is an understatement, and she caused even the most liberal members of the public to recoil in shock. I'm sure Miss Cyrus is completely unperturbed by the backlash, and in fact, this was probably her intention to fuel further publicity. My reaction when I watched it was not necessarily one of outrage though, instead I felt deep despair. She is only 20 years old after all.
This image is unfortunately nothing new. Over the years women have continually pushed the boundaries, and men have allowed them. A lot of women would argue that looking, dressing and displaying themselves in ways that Miley did is a liberating thing; that it is empowering. I'm sorry, but these people are fooling themselves. The whole thing is a blatant paradox. There is nothing empowering about causing your fellow women to sneer in jealousy, or having men look upon you as an object merely for their viewing pleasure.
I felt so sad when I watched Miley. Her beautiful face all twisted, her hair all shaved and her admittedly cracking figure wrapped in flesh coloured underwear. I wonder if she felt 'girl power' as she marched around the stage. All I could ask myself was, 'where is the elegance, the grace and the feminine virtue?' Did she go home and think she represented women well? That she inspired young girls? Maybe I'm being naïve in thinking that there was even an objective. I'm not picking on Miley though, there will be many girls after her pushing the boundaries.
I then think about what God says about women. In Proverbs 31, it speaks of a woman who is full of virtue. She clothes her herself with strength and dignity. She speaks wisdom. I want to be like that instead of consumed with how attractive I am or how hard I can party. I want to have girl friends like that, who are inspiring and give wise counsel. And I'm sure men want a girl like that on their arm, who is admired for her grace and dignity.
Society often believes that God and the Bible promote a view of women that is oppressive and sexist. It is in fact the opposite. Today's culture is forever guilty of placing women as sexual objects to be desired. If you are not physically attractive then you are not desirable. Ask yourself ladies, do you want to be admired for having a slim figure, perfect hair and a sizeable shoe collection? Do you gain your affirmation from the amount of guys who flirt with you when you are out? Do you enjoy it when other women are clearly jealous of how you look? Do you and your friends feel like the best way to encourage and support one another is to reassure them of how good they look?
Or do you want to pour out wisdom to your friends, and sound counsel that will grow their character? Or what about taking no joy from division and jealousy but instead strive for friendship and unity with your fellow girls. Or what about desiring for a man to be so attracted to your poise and dignity that he would develop deep respect and affection for your character? Or what about people to admire you for your strength as a woman?
People often forget that refining and strengthening your character and spirit can cause you to become outwardly attractive in a way that is far more beautiful than vain physical beauty. I hope Miley can realise this too. She doesn't have to display herself in such outrageous ways to gain respect, admiration or attention- and neither do you.
'Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.' Proverbs 31v30
Wednesday, 28 August 2013
Friday, 16 August 2013
This is the Lord's doing...
This weekend celebrates the 4th birthday of my church Harvest Bible Chapel Glasgow. Most churches have a legacy going back decades, and sometimes centuries. My church would be looked upon as still in its infancy and in many cases this is true, but I've been reflecting a lot recently on the past few years and been pretty overwhelmed at everything that it has been through.
I have been encouraged by the weekly dedication of others who come with an eager heart to serve and use their talents in incredible ways. From ministries that are public and up front, to the ones that are hidden and rarely recognised. There is a humility and commitment that never ceases to challenge me.
I have learned what it means to be part of a vertical church, what worship is, how I can be an excellent wife, what the bible says about being W.I.S.E and studied Philippians, Acts, Jonah, Ephesians, Hebrews, Nehemiah and Genesis to name a few.
I have found that the people of Harvest are excellent at baking, cooking, having barbeques in the rain, opening up their homes and extending hospitality, cracking jokes, going to Starbucks, reading books, eating loads of food, and playing games...
...Did I mention we like to eat?
I have seen the fruits of investing in the children of Harvest and are challenged by the fact their bible knowledge rivals my own. I have heard my nephew lead his family to pray before he was 2 years old, recite verses of scripture and tell me the fruits of the spirit.
I have witnessed the people of Harvest step up and serve those in need. Every new mother has had homemade meals brought to their door for the first two weeks of their child's life. Teams of people have helped others with their garden, moving house, decorating rooms, and cleaning their home. Families in crisis have had groceries bought and delivered to their door just when they thought they couldn't afford to feed themselves for more than the next couple days.
I have noticed that I don't hear gossip or slander. The privacy of others is safeguarded and the integrity of others is maintained. People are held accountable and supported in love, sensitivity and care. Honesty and vulnerability is encouraged whilst pride is constantly challenged.
Relationships are nurtured and built on God's biblical outline. Whether it is parents and kids, husbands and wives, shepherds and their sheep, friends and family. Fellowship is constant, counsel is Godly, and prayer support is essential.
Harvest came into my life just in time. It supported and celebrated with me when I married my sweetheart and found a new identity in being a wife, it was there when my sister was fighting for her life after the birth of her son and provided meals every day for 2 months, it sustained me through the sudden decline in my own health, providing prayer, counsel and practical help, it comforted me as I lost my job, it was a source of encouragement through other personal loss.
I have been told that our Christian walk is a 'life on life' thing, that we are called to 'worship, walk, and work' for God's glory. I have been encouraged to 'not despair, but depend', because 'all it takes is all we have'. And I have been challenged to 'don't stop now'!
And I won't stop, and we won't stop, because what is happening here is God's doing.
'This is the Lord's doing;
it is marvellous in our eyes!' Psalm 118v23
And at the end of every Sunday, for the past 4 years I have heard 'You are Loved.' And thanks to my church, and the God that we serve, I know that it's true.
http://vimeo.com/68692213
I have been encouraged by the weekly dedication of others who come with an eager heart to serve and use their talents in incredible ways. From ministries that are public and up front, to the ones that are hidden and rarely recognised. There is a humility and commitment that never ceases to challenge me.
I have learned what it means to be part of a vertical church, what worship is, how I can be an excellent wife, what the bible says about being W.I.S.E and studied Philippians, Acts, Jonah, Ephesians, Hebrews, Nehemiah and Genesis to name a few.
I have found that the people of Harvest are excellent at baking, cooking, having barbeques in the rain, opening up their homes and extending hospitality, cracking jokes, going to Starbucks, reading books, eating loads of food, and playing games...
...Did I mention we like to eat?
I have seen the fruits of investing in the children of Harvest and are challenged by the fact their bible knowledge rivals my own. I have heard my nephew lead his family to pray before he was 2 years old, recite verses of scripture and tell me the fruits of the spirit.
I have witnessed the people of Harvest step up and serve those in need. Every new mother has had homemade meals brought to their door for the first two weeks of their child's life. Teams of people have helped others with their garden, moving house, decorating rooms, and cleaning their home. Families in crisis have had groceries bought and delivered to their door just when they thought they couldn't afford to feed themselves for more than the next couple days.
I have noticed that I don't hear gossip or slander. The privacy of others is safeguarded and the integrity of others is maintained. People are held accountable and supported in love, sensitivity and care. Honesty and vulnerability is encouraged whilst pride is constantly challenged.
Relationships are nurtured and built on God's biblical outline. Whether it is parents and kids, husbands and wives, shepherds and their sheep, friends and family. Fellowship is constant, counsel is Godly, and prayer support is essential.
Harvest came into my life just in time. It supported and celebrated with me when I married my sweetheart and found a new identity in being a wife, it was there when my sister was fighting for her life after the birth of her son and provided meals every day for 2 months, it sustained me through the sudden decline in my own health, providing prayer, counsel and practical help, it comforted me as I lost my job, it was a source of encouragement through other personal loss.
I have been told that our Christian walk is a 'life on life' thing, that we are called to 'worship, walk, and work' for God's glory. I have been encouraged to 'not despair, but depend', because 'all it takes is all we have'. And I have been challenged to 'don't stop now'!
And I won't stop, and we won't stop, because what is happening here is God's doing.
'This is the Lord's doing;
it is marvellous in our eyes!' Psalm 118v23
And at the end of every Sunday, for the past 4 years I have heard 'You are Loved.' And thanks to my church, and the God that we serve, I know that it's true.
http://vimeo.com/68692213
Wednesday, 24 April 2013
It's all in the detail.
The two year mark is quickly approaching. Two years since the pain started and life as I knew it changed. This season of my life has brought blessings and hardship in equal measure. I have struggled with all the challenges living with a chronic pain condition brings, and I have spent many days feeling overwhelmingly scunnered. I have also learned new things about myself and more importantly, God. Whether I have been praising and thanking Him for his presence and provision or crying out to Him in confusion and despair, He has remained constant and unchanging. I am thankful I can put my trust in that.
I have been slowly developing a new mini career for myself over the past year in cake decorating and I have been pretty astounded how well it has been going. I baked and decorated my first ever birthday cake for a friend a year ago and I am now receiving orders for wedding cakes. I feel a bit out of my depth at times, but I have really enjoyed nurturing my artistic side since I was a wee girl and I feel I have been given this new avenue to be challenged in. I'm thankful for that.
I often thank God for giving this opportunity to me. With a body that is so tired and in pain most of the time, my career opportunities were severely limited. I worried that I would have no option but be stuck in an office, dragging myself into the workplace on days where I would have spent all my energy that morning just trying to get up and have a shower on time.... Now, I don't think there is anything wrong with working in an office- I must admit I have liked the idea of wearing a smart suit and hanging about water coolers, but I'm more of a practical person who quickly loses motivation if things are even slightly mundane.
How blessed I felt when God led me down a road where I could still do creative things but from home. I love getting up and busying myself in the kitchen, knowing I can sit down and rest when I get tired (like right now as my cake bakes away while I sit and type). It is also great that I don't have to wash my hair or fuss over what to wear each day. I also don't have to put up with rush hour traffic anymore... although wading through all my cake tins and boxes of icing occasionally produces irritation similar to road rage.
I have spoken to God about my new set up many times, and at the risk of sounding ungrateful I have occasionally expressed how much I still miss my old work. I miss investing in people, spending time with children and their families and celebrating breakthroughs in the lives of others. I can very often feel isolated amongst my cake batter and food colouring. Coming from a job where I was spending the entire day in and out of family homes to being in my wee home alone has been a hard adjustment. I somehow felt that I didn't have the right to express this to God, especially after all He has blessed me with over the past couple years, but the Bible does say I can cast all my anxieties upon Him, so I did- even if it was so He could stop me from being anxious about these things!
So a couple of weeks ago, I found myself in my old work delivering a cake to an old colleague. My heart ached as I saw all the familiar faces and ached even more when I walked through and some people didn't even know who I was. Things had continued to move on and everything was progressing without me. I felt sad not being a part of it. As I walked by the office door of my old boss, I glanced in the window. She welcomed me in for a seat despite being in a meeting with an old colleague, which was nice. We chatted for a while and I confessed that I missed the work I did and being with the service users. My boss thought for a moment and then asked if I would be interested in coming back on a sessional basis to do cake decorating classes. She had been wanting to introduce some new activities to the services and just in that moment thought about cake decorating.
We have met up since then and are in the process of setting this up. She showed me the new arts wing that has recently been opened in the centre and showed me the room where I could come in and work. A beautiful bright studio with reclaimed furniture and huge windows. I drove home from our last meeting just in awe of how God works. I have found so much contentment in working from home, and yet He still chooses to make provision for the seemingly small issues that were tugging at my heart- all I had to do was ask Him! God knew that it would become an increasing struggle to work in isolation and therefore put something in place to help me with that.
So what have I learned? God provides. But more than that, He blesses me. And even more than that, He lavishes blessings on me! God has not only been taking care of the big issues, but also the tiny microscopic details that make up who I am and how I work. But what's even more incredible is that God hasn't blessed me with this because of who I am, but because of who He is! He is loving, and gracious and good. I rejoice in the fact that the little details are known to Him, and that He even bothers to care. And I rejoice that He is faithful in all things.
I have been slowly developing a new mini career for myself over the past year in cake decorating and I have been pretty astounded how well it has been going. I baked and decorated my first ever birthday cake for a friend a year ago and I am now receiving orders for wedding cakes. I feel a bit out of my depth at times, but I have really enjoyed nurturing my artistic side since I was a wee girl and I feel I have been given this new avenue to be challenged in. I'm thankful for that.
I often thank God for giving this opportunity to me. With a body that is so tired and in pain most of the time, my career opportunities were severely limited. I worried that I would have no option but be stuck in an office, dragging myself into the workplace on days where I would have spent all my energy that morning just trying to get up and have a shower on time.... Now, I don't think there is anything wrong with working in an office- I must admit I have liked the idea of wearing a smart suit and hanging about water coolers, but I'm more of a practical person who quickly loses motivation if things are even slightly mundane.
How blessed I felt when God led me down a road where I could still do creative things but from home. I love getting up and busying myself in the kitchen, knowing I can sit down and rest when I get tired (like right now as my cake bakes away while I sit and type). It is also great that I don't have to wash my hair or fuss over what to wear each day. I also don't have to put up with rush hour traffic anymore... although wading through all my cake tins and boxes of icing occasionally produces irritation similar to road rage.
I have spoken to God about my new set up many times, and at the risk of sounding ungrateful I have occasionally expressed how much I still miss my old work. I miss investing in people, spending time with children and their families and celebrating breakthroughs in the lives of others. I can very often feel isolated amongst my cake batter and food colouring. Coming from a job where I was spending the entire day in and out of family homes to being in my wee home alone has been a hard adjustment. I somehow felt that I didn't have the right to express this to God, especially after all He has blessed me with over the past couple years, but the Bible does say I can cast all my anxieties upon Him, so I did- even if it was so He could stop me from being anxious about these things!
So a couple of weeks ago, I found myself in my old work delivering a cake to an old colleague. My heart ached as I saw all the familiar faces and ached even more when I walked through and some people didn't even know who I was. Things had continued to move on and everything was progressing without me. I felt sad not being a part of it. As I walked by the office door of my old boss, I glanced in the window. She welcomed me in for a seat despite being in a meeting with an old colleague, which was nice. We chatted for a while and I confessed that I missed the work I did and being with the service users. My boss thought for a moment and then asked if I would be interested in coming back on a sessional basis to do cake decorating classes. She had been wanting to introduce some new activities to the services and just in that moment thought about cake decorating.
We have met up since then and are in the process of setting this up. She showed me the new arts wing that has recently been opened in the centre and showed me the room where I could come in and work. A beautiful bright studio with reclaimed furniture and huge windows. I drove home from our last meeting just in awe of how God works. I have found so much contentment in working from home, and yet He still chooses to make provision for the seemingly small issues that were tugging at my heart- all I had to do was ask Him! God knew that it would become an increasing struggle to work in isolation and therefore put something in place to help me with that.
So what have I learned? God provides. But more than that, He blesses me. And even more than that, He lavishes blessings on me! God has not only been taking care of the big issues, but also the tiny microscopic details that make up who I am and how I work. But what's even more incredible is that God hasn't blessed me with this because of who I am, but because of who He is! He is loving, and gracious and good. I rejoice in the fact that the little details are known to Him, and that He even bothers to care. And I rejoice that He is faithful in all things.
My first Cake...
...One year on!
Monday, 24 December 2012
The Christmas masterplan
I haven't felt very 'Christmassy' this year. I've decked my tree, wrapped all my presents and made more Christmas cakes than I can count! I thought it was these kind of things that filled you with the Christmas spirit? The only times I have felt a warmth in my heart and butterflies in my tummy this Christmas has been in moments I never would have expected...even for me.
I was brought up on Nativities, carol services, and Bible stories describing what happened at Christmas. I have loved God my whole life and gave my life to Jesus when I was a teenager. I have also been swept up in the side of Christmas that is growing more and more popular where Christmas means time off work with family and presents. Despite my best efforts however, I have never felt the complete impact of the Christmas story until now. It hasn't been a bolt out of the blue as I know the story forwards and backwards, inside and out. And it hasn't been something I promised to really dwell on this year. It has just been something God has been revealing to me in a beautiful gentle way over the past weeks and months. I know why Jesus came as a baby...but to I really understand just what this meant?! I thought I would share a few wee things I have realised and learned about God.
God keeps his promises. At church this Sunday we learned about Jesus' genealogy (which can be found in Matthew chapter 1) which can be traced all the way back to Abraham. He story is well known for a few things but one of the stories most people recall is that God promised Abraham he would have a baby. After many many (many) years, the baby was born. They waited a long time for this promise and for a while it probably seemed like God had forgotten, but this is just one example of how God always keeps His promises.
Did you know that you can read about God promising Jesus back in the time of Adam and Eve? When they sinned, God declared that He would send a saviour (Genesis 3v15) to repair the broken relationship with God and man. This assures me that God has a plan. God always has a plan, and before the dawn of time, He had a plan. He had a plan to save mankind and He has a plan for my life. God is never suprised, never caught out, never stumped at what to do next. Even right back and Genesis when sin first entered the world, He was right there with mercy. He didn't need a few days, months or years to figure out what to do with the mess, and despite the sacrifice He knew He would have to make- he gave it so freely.
I have some friends who have recently had babies. They are the most beautiful wee things and everytime I take the sweet little bundle in my arms I am constantly reminded of how innocent and vulnerable they are. Completely dependent on their parents for love and care. It has really helped me when thinking about Jesus and the tiny baby He once was. I am then struck by the fact that He wasn't always that way, and then I get thinking about where He was before He came to earth.
God's love cannot be fathomed. Jesus was in Heaven and being glorified within the Trinity. He was in the place of perfection. And He was perfection. Why should God have even cared about us? We made the mess, we should live in it. We blew it. We were in a state of utter hopelesness, but why would God want to come all the way down to this rotten world and help us? For me, there isn't much competiton between endless glory, light and perfection and a dark sinful world where the people would ultimately reject, ridicule and kill you. But for the tiny minority that would accept Him, He came. Phillipians 2v6-8 says 'Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.' He emptied Himself, and left His throne in Heaven for me.
For me Jesus in that manger isn't just a cute story. It is the biggest sacrifice in the history of time. This was it. God's masterplan, the promise given hundreds of years ago was finally given. God now had to stand and watch Jesus grow and lead a perfect life. He had to watch Him as He pleaded with people to accept the gift that God was giving them. He watched as He gave sight to the blind, healed the sick and saved the sinners. And He had to watch His broken body hanging from a cross being ridiculed and mocked. Such is His love.
Who has believed what he has heard from us?
And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
2 For he grew up before him like a young plant,
and like a root out of dry ground;
he had no form or majesty that we should look at him,
and no beauty that we should desire him.
3 He was despised and rejected by men;
a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief;
and as one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
I was brought up on Nativities, carol services, and Bible stories describing what happened at Christmas. I have loved God my whole life and gave my life to Jesus when I was a teenager. I have also been swept up in the side of Christmas that is growing more and more popular where Christmas means time off work with family and presents. Despite my best efforts however, I have never felt the complete impact of the Christmas story until now. It hasn't been a bolt out of the blue as I know the story forwards and backwards, inside and out. And it hasn't been something I promised to really dwell on this year. It has just been something God has been revealing to me in a beautiful gentle way over the past weeks and months. I know why Jesus came as a baby...but to I really understand just what this meant?! I thought I would share a few wee things I have realised and learned about God.
God keeps his promises. At church this Sunday we learned about Jesus' genealogy (which can be found in Matthew chapter 1) which can be traced all the way back to Abraham. He story is well known for a few things but one of the stories most people recall is that God promised Abraham he would have a baby. After many many (many) years, the baby was born. They waited a long time for this promise and for a while it probably seemed like God had forgotten, but this is just one example of how God always keeps His promises.
Did you know that you can read about God promising Jesus back in the time of Adam and Eve? When they sinned, God declared that He would send a saviour (Genesis 3v15) to repair the broken relationship with God and man. This assures me that God has a plan. God always has a plan, and before the dawn of time, He had a plan. He had a plan to save mankind and He has a plan for my life. God is never suprised, never caught out, never stumped at what to do next. Even right back and Genesis when sin first entered the world, He was right there with mercy. He didn't need a few days, months or years to figure out what to do with the mess, and despite the sacrifice He knew He would have to make- he gave it so freely.
I have some friends who have recently had babies. They are the most beautiful wee things and everytime I take the sweet little bundle in my arms I am constantly reminded of how innocent and vulnerable they are. Completely dependent on their parents for love and care. It has really helped me when thinking about Jesus and the tiny baby He once was. I am then struck by the fact that He wasn't always that way, and then I get thinking about where He was before He came to earth.
God's love cannot be fathomed. Jesus was in Heaven and being glorified within the Trinity. He was in the place of perfection. And He was perfection. Why should God have even cared about us? We made the mess, we should live in it. We blew it. We were in a state of utter hopelesness, but why would God want to come all the way down to this rotten world and help us? For me, there isn't much competiton between endless glory, light and perfection and a dark sinful world where the people would ultimately reject, ridicule and kill you. But for the tiny minority that would accept Him, He came. Phillipians 2v6-8 says 'Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.' He emptied Himself, and left His throne in Heaven for me.
For me Jesus in that manger isn't just a cute story. It is the biggest sacrifice in the history of time. This was it. God's masterplan, the promise given hundreds of years ago was finally given. God now had to stand and watch Jesus grow and lead a perfect life. He had to watch Him as He pleaded with people to accept the gift that God was giving them. He watched as He gave sight to the blind, healed the sick and saved the sinners. And He had to watch His broken body hanging from a cross being ridiculed and mocked. Such is His love.
Who has believed what he has heard from us?
And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
2 For he grew up before him like a young plant,
and like a root out of dry ground;
he had no form or majesty that we should look at him,
and no beauty that we should desire him.
3 He was despised and rejected by men;
a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief;
and as one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
4 Surely he has borne our griefs
and carried our sorrows;
yet we esteemed him stricken,
smitten by God, and afflicted.
5 But he was pierced for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
and with his wounds we are healed.
6 All we like sheep have gone astray;
we have turned—every one—to his own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.
and carried our sorrows;
yet we esteemed him stricken,
smitten by God, and afflicted.
5 But he was pierced for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
and with his wounds we are healed.
6 All we like sheep have gone astray;
we have turned—every one—to his own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.
Isaiah 53v1-6
Tuesday, 20 November 2012
absent from the body=present with the Lord
Just heard the news of little Caden Beggan; a brave wee boy who fought against meningococcal septicaemia. His story swept through social media and thousands of us anticipated his fathers daily posts telling us of his perilous wee journey. I don't know the family personally, but they live a few streets from me and Caden attended the primary school up my road. It was so hard to read about Caden's broken little body and how this disease robbed him and his family of so much. But the most upsetting thing to me personally was the fact that this wasn't a story that was new to me.
My work with children with complex needs brought me into contact with many families in the same situation. The conditions that attacked their children were all very different, but the sorrow and emotional rollercoaster they had to endure were pretty much identical. I think back to the many times when I walked through the doors at Yorkhill or to the home of a family and was met with sobbing parents who had just lost their child. There is nothing that can compare to the horror.
I have realised that it didn't matter how young they were, the amount they contributed to society or how developed their character was, the loss of a child leaves a gaping hole that no one can comprehend. Nothing has equated to the grief I have felt at the loss of a child, and as someone who doesn't even have children of my own, I cannot comprehend how far reaching the sorrow is for the family and especially for the parents who have brought them into the world and raised them.
As I have joined the world in looking on as Caden fought for his life, I was always thinking about the many other families in our community who are going through the exact same struggle. Caden was in Yorkhill with countless other children with their lives in the balance. Caden's family did a geat job in raising awareness and lifting people out of their own self absorbed bubbles. I just hope that Cadens little legacy will cause us to be more mindful of all the other families who are going through the same circumstances without the well wishes of thousands...I'm sure it's what the Beggans would hope to achieve through their honest and candid deocumenting of Caden's fight.
One thing that we can have hope and rejoice in is that Caden is not sleeping, or even resting. He is whole, and in glory with his Heavenly Father along with the other precious children I have loved and lost. In God's mercy, He has taken Caden and restored him to Himself in a body that is so complete and pure and He is in a place that supercedes anything on this broken and fallen earth. Caden's parents will also see him again because they have found salvation in Jesus and nothing can take that from them. It is just a pity that they will have to wait a while longer. But for those who hope in God can look forward to the day when 'He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.' Revelation 21v4.
My work with children with complex needs brought me into contact with many families in the same situation. The conditions that attacked their children were all very different, but the sorrow and emotional rollercoaster they had to endure were pretty much identical. I think back to the many times when I walked through the doors at Yorkhill or to the home of a family and was met with sobbing parents who had just lost their child. There is nothing that can compare to the horror.
I have realised that it didn't matter how young they were, the amount they contributed to society or how developed their character was, the loss of a child leaves a gaping hole that no one can comprehend. Nothing has equated to the grief I have felt at the loss of a child, and as someone who doesn't even have children of my own, I cannot comprehend how far reaching the sorrow is for the family and especially for the parents who have brought them into the world and raised them.
As I have joined the world in looking on as Caden fought for his life, I was always thinking about the many other families in our community who are going through the exact same struggle. Caden was in Yorkhill with countless other children with their lives in the balance. Caden's family did a geat job in raising awareness and lifting people out of their own self absorbed bubbles. I just hope that Cadens little legacy will cause us to be more mindful of all the other families who are going through the same circumstances without the well wishes of thousands...I'm sure it's what the Beggans would hope to achieve through their honest and candid deocumenting of Caden's fight.
One thing that we can have hope and rejoice in is that Caden is not sleeping, or even resting. He is whole, and in glory with his Heavenly Father along with the other precious children I have loved and lost. In God's mercy, He has taken Caden and restored him to Himself in a body that is so complete and pure and He is in a place that supercedes anything on this broken and fallen earth. Caden's parents will also see him again because they have found salvation in Jesus and nothing can take that from them. It is just a pity that they will have to wait a while longer. But for those who hope in God can look forward to the day when 'He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.' Revelation 21v4.
There's a peace I've come to know though my heart and flesh may fail. There's an anchor for my soul, I can say it is well.
Saturday, 4 August 2012
Life on life and playing in between.
As I sat in Business Gateway a couple of weeks ago, I paused and actually realised what I was doing. I've been asked the usual question before; 'What would be your dream job?' To which I would explain having my own wee business doing something creative would be a lovely way to spend my career. It is never something I ever felt brave enough to do though since I have zero comprehension of how to run a business.
As I was speaking to the pleasant business advisor, I revealed that I have more or less stumbled upon this venture due to the changes of my health meaning I couldn't do my old job. He asked what I used to do and I began to explain. He remarked that I looked as if I was about to cry- and he was right. I wasn't sure if I was hurting or just reflecting fondly...Whatever it was, I told him that I didn't really want to talk about it more than I had to.
It has been about a year since I was a playworker for children with complex needs and I haven't really thought about it too much, partly because I want to move forward and partly because it just makes me too sad.
I remember my first visit to a family home which soon became a house I visited three times a week. The family had two disabled children fighting the same terminal disease. The house was over run with nurses and home helps. The situation was very extreme, but a very real picture of what life can be like with a disabled child. I was assigned to work with the youngest who was only two at the time. I remember staring at her wondering how on earth I could play with her...She couldn't open her eyes, communicate, move or even breathe on her own and I couldn't move her too much because her bones were too brittle due to osteoporosis. I was stumped. I often sat at my desk with my head in my hands thinking of ideas and I thankfully had some very talented and wise colleagues who offered advice and encouragement. I soon developed a beautiful routine of the hungry caterpillar story, making it come to life each time through sensory objects.We repeated it for weeks on end. I would climb on the bed and lie close to her and watch for any signs of communication. Her family, nurses and anyone else in the house would rejoice when she closed her lips as this meant she was responding. It was all she gave us but it meant so much.
I remember when she passed away. Her dad phoned me in the early morning before I even left for work. I spent the weekend with the family and tried to support them with their grief; and sought to glean some support for mine. She was buried with the little caterpillar we made from eggboxes and I remember feeling so conflicted between maintaining a certain level of professionalism and being utterly devastated.
I remember every child I've worked with. Their siblings names, their parents names, grandparents, family friends, even wee Margaret/ Jan/ Ina etc who lived next door. Each child has been so precious to me and I treasure all their wee ways. I am thankful that despite the often difficult circumstances I witnessed, my job was far from depressing. The fact I was accepted into so many family homes was something I never took for granted. There were some places where I turned up, spent time with the kid doing lovely things and leave again, but there were also some families who I really got to know and love. I just hope they know just how much I genuinely cared and the tremendous affection I had for their wee ones.
Nothing would compare to having a visually impared child track an object with their eyes, a child with no communication utter their first sound or give a sign, or have an autistic child look at me in the eye. My greatest priviledge however was showing God's love to these kids. There were some families which allowed me to spend some still quiet moments before my play sessions with them in prayer. We would pray for fun, our friendship and healing. Towards the end of my time with my work the families actually prayed for my healing too. That was truely humbling.
At Harvest we always talk about doing life on life with one another and I really believe that's what worked best in my job. The children didn't care about my status or what my job was, they just wanted to play with me. The parents wanted to know about me and my life and it was this two-way relationship that made it real. I cried when they cried, shared in their wee victories and flicked through holiday photos. Parents don't just want a professional giving them solutions, they want someone who genuinely cares about their children.
I wasn't the best playworker in the world. I could be disorganised, forgetful and my time keeping was skills were often questionable. I am not irreplaceable and all the families will no doubt survive without me! But I have struggled with knowing what God was doing by taking this away from me. But one thing I do know is that I can trust Him. I am called to glorify God and live my life for Him above all else and in return, He is teaching me amazing things along the way.
Although I miss my old job, I am thankful I have been blessed with something I enjoy just as much. I haven't had to resort to some rubbish job that I hate; I have the opportunity to be creative which is a huge part of who I am. This is one of the reasons I can say that God is good! God has sustained me through much and the Bible says that He gives and takes away. I have full assurance and peace in my heart of God's good and perfect plan. Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.
As I was speaking to the pleasant business advisor, I revealed that I have more or less stumbled upon this venture due to the changes of my health meaning I couldn't do my old job. He asked what I used to do and I began to explain. He remarked that I looked as if I was about to cry- and he was right. I wasn't sure if I was hurting or just reflecting fondly...Whatever it was, I told him that I didn't really want to talk about it more than I had to.
It has been about a year since I was a playworker for children with complex needs and I haven't really thought about it too much, partly because I want to move forward and partly because it just makes me too sad.
I remember my first visit to a family home which soon became a house I visited three times a week. The family had two disabled children fighting the same terminal disease. The house was over run with nurses and home helps. The situation was very extreme, but a very real picture of what life can be like with a disabled child. I was assigned to work with the youngest who was only two at the time. I remember staring at her wondering how on earth I could play with her...She couldn't open her eyes, communicate, move or even breathe on her own and I couldn't move her too much because her bones were too brittle due to osteoporosis. I was stumped. I often sat at my desk with my head in my hands thinking of ideas and I thankfully had some very talented and wise colleagues who offered advice and encouragement. I soon developed a beautiful routine of the hungry caterpillar story, making it come to life each time through sensory objects.We repeated it for weeks on end. I would climb on the bed and lie close to her and watch for any signs of communication. Her family, nurses and anyone else in the house would rejoice when she closed her lips as this meant she was responding. It was all she gave us but it meant so much.
I remember when she passed away. Her dad phoned me in the early morning before I even left for work. I spent the weekend with the family and tried to support them with their grief; and sought to glean some support for mine. She was buried with the little caterpillar we made from eggboxes and I remember feeling so conflicted between maintaining a certain level of professionalism and being utterly devastated.
I remember every child I've worked with. Their siblings names, their parents names, grandparents, family friends, even wee Margaret/ Jan/ Ina etc who lived next door. Each child has been so precious to me and I treasure all their wee ways. I am thankful that despite the often difficult circumstances I witnessed, my job was far from depressing. The fact I was accepted into so many family homes was something I never took for granted. There were some places where I turned up, spent time with the kid doing lovely things and leave again, but there were also some families who I really got to know and love. I just hope they know just how much I genuinely cared and the tremendous affection I had for their wee ones.
Nothing would compare to having a visually impared child track an object with their eyes, a child with no communication utter their first sound or give a sign, or have an autistic child look at me in the eye. My greatest priviledge however was showing God's love to these kids. There were some families which allowed me to spend some still quiet moments before my play sessions with them in prayer. We would pray for fun, our friendship and healing. Towards the end of my time with my work the families actually prayed for my healing too. That was truely humbling.
At Harvest we always talk about doing life on life with one another and I really believe that's what worked best in my job. The children didn't care about my status or what my job was, they just wanted to play with me. The parents wanted to know about me and my life and it was this two-way relationship that made it real. I cried when they cried, shared in their wee victories and flicked through holiday photos. Parents don't just want a professional giving them solutions, they want someone who genuinely cares about their children.
I wasn't the best playworker in the world. I could be disorganised, forgetful and my time keeping was skills were often questionable. I am not irreplaceable and all the families will no doubt survive without me! But I have struggled with knowing what God was doing by taking this away from me. But one thing I do know is that I can trust Him. I am called to glorify God and live my life for Him above all else and in return, He is teaching me amazing things along the way.
Although I miss my old job, I am thankful I have been blessed with something I enjoy just as much. I haven't had to resort to some rubbish job that I hate; I have the opportunity to be creative which is a huge part of who I am. This is one of the reasons I can say that God is good! God has sustained me through much and the Bible says that He gives and takes away. I have full assurance and peace in my heart of God's good and perfect plan. Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.
Sunday, 8 July 2012
It's looking like a beautiful day.
It was two years ago today that I became a married woman. I think about my wedding day a lot and the past few days leading up to my anniversary has caused me to recall vivid memories of what I was doing in the build up to my special day. In some respects, I would like that part of my life to remain frozen so I could relive it again and again, but if that happened then I would be able to experience all the joys that came with being a wife afterwards.
Wedding planning commenced the day after I got engaged (only because the shops were not open that night to buy all my wedding magazines). I spent hours in shops, magazines and the internet sourcing the perfect touches for my perfect day. I look back fondly at the hours I spent sitting on the livingroom floor sewing pearls onto strands of lace, creating my wooden love heart favours and cutting out pictures for my scrapbook. I loved every minute of planning my wedding as it was a time I could be creative and anticipate the day I would marry my lovely Jonny.
The wedding day brought feelings that I had never felt before. I had an overwhelming happiness inside me and a peace about the step I was taking. I felt so grateful looking round at all the people who were there to support us, and most of all, I was excited about the future. I remember how heavy my dress was with the abundance of lace and pearls, I remember how I couldn't stop crying at the ceremony although I felt utterly relaxed. I remember my bridesmaid Gill running and getting me a snack pack of grapes after the service and how I pinched my sisters bum during the pictures. I remember the brass band which played whilst our guest sipped pink champagne in the garden. I remember how proud I was with my normally shy husband as he spoke so eloquently during his speech and I remember how my dancefloor was packed to the point of overflowing the entire night thanks to our nine-piece funk band. I also remember how the drummer's wife went into labour and he ran off without a backwards glance. Luckily one of the singers stepped in and it didn't hinder the heaving dancefloor.
My wedding day (like everyone else's) flew by all too quickly. But the wedding day is just the beginning. I had plenty anxieties about married life (not about Jonny!) I wondered if I would be able to be the wife Jonny needed, and the wife that God desired for me to be. I wondered how we would cope with being a married couple, living together and sharing everything. I would say that our marriage has certainly been thrown into the deep end in the past two years. A couple of months after the wedding, we celebrated the birth of our precious nephew Charlie, which was quickly overshadowed by nearly losing my sister to heart failure. We lost Jonny's Baba that Christmas who was an incredible woman and a huge part of his life. We were then faced with the decline of my health and eventual loss of my job. All of these things have affected us greatly and could have potentially caused our relationship to become vulnerable during our first couple years of marriage. But God has graciously sustained us, and even more; He has helped us grow even closer.
One of the important things I have learned about marriage is that you have to be selfless. My relationship with Jonny works best when we are not selfish. We try to serve one another in love and be willing to put our own needs second. This is something that Jonny has excelled in and is a real evidence of Gods grace in his life. My husband has stepped up to the mark time and time again to help me, look after me and protect me often to the expense of his own interests. I appreciate the ways he puts me first and has cared for me especially through my illness. He is a patient and kind man and I know that God has grown these fruits within him as we have went through our marriage. God has proved his faithfulness to us over and over and has shown us that being in a Godly marriage will bring the abundance of blessings. Jonny and I believe that God created marriage and that we are to honour Him in it, this in turn has shown us that God's plan and desire for marriage is perfect.
I love being married to Jonny. I am thankful for the way he fulfils his responsibilities towards God, how he continually shows his love and support to me and encourages me with the Bible and prayer. He is my best friend and I celebrate him today.
Wedding planning commenced the day after I got engaged (only because the shops were not open that night to buy all my wedding magazines). I spent hours in shops, magazines and the internet sourcing the perfect touches for my perfect day. I look back fondly at the hours I spent sitting on the livingroom floor sewing pearls onto strands of lace, creating my wooden love heart favours and cutting out pictures for my scrapbook. I loved every minute of planning my wedding as it was a time I could be creative and anticipate the day I would marry my lovely Jonny.
The wedding day brought feelings that I had never felt before. I had an overwhelming happiness inside me and a peace about the step I was taking. I felt so grateful looking round at all the people who were there to support us, and most of all, I was excited about the future. I remember how heavy my dress was with the abundance of lace and pearls, I remember how I couldn't stop crying at the ceremony although I felt utterly relaxed. I remember my bridesmaid Gill running and getting me a snack pack of grapes after the service and how I pinched my sisters bum during the pictures. I remember the brass band which played whilst our guest sipped pink champagne in the garden. I remember how proud I was with my normally shy husband as he spoke so eloquently during his speech and I remember how my dancefloor was packed to the point of overflowing the entire night thanks to our nine-piece funk band. I also remember how the drummer's wife went into labour and he ran off without a backwards glance. Luckily one of the singers stepped in and it didn't hinder the heaving dancefloor.
My wedding day (like everyone else's) flew by all too quickly. But the wedding day is just the beginning. I had plenty anxieties about married life (not about Jonny!) I wondered if I would be able to be the wife Jonny needed, and the wife that God desired for me to be. I wondered how we would cope with being a married couple, living together and sharing everything. I would say that our marriage has certainly been thrown into the deep end in the past two years. A couple of months after the wedding, we celebrated the birth of our precious nephew Charlie, which was quickly overshadowed by nearly losing my sister to heart failure. We lost Jonny's Baba that Christmas who was an incredible woman and a huge part of his life. We were then faced with the decline of my health and eventual loss of my job. All of these things have affected us greatly and could have potentially caused our relationship to become vulnerable during our first couple years of marriage. But God has graciously sustained us, and even more; He has helped us grow even closer.
One of the important things I have learned about marriage is that you have to be selfless. My relationship with Jonny works best when we are not selfish. We try to serve one another in love and be willing to put our own needs second. This is something that Jonny has excelled in and is a real evidence of Gods grace in his life. My husband has stepped up to the mark time and time again to help me, look after me and protect me often to the expense of his own interests. I appreciate the ways he puts me first and has cared for me especially through my illness. He is a patient and kind man and I know that God has grown these fruits within him as we have went through our marriage. God has proved his faithfulness to us over and over and has shown us that being in a Godly marriage will bring the abundance of blessings. Jonny and I believe that God created marriage and that we are to honour Him in it, this in turn has shown us that God's plan and desire for marriage is perfect.
I love being married to Jonny. I am thankful for the way he fulfils his responsibilities towards God, how he continually shows his love and support to me and encourages me with the Bible and prayer. He is my best friend and I celebrate him today.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)