It's all in the detail.

The two year mark is quickly approaching. Two years since the pain started and life as I knew it changed. This season of my life has brought blessings and hardship in equal measure. I have struggled with all the challenges living with a chronic pain condition brings, and I have spent many days feeling overwhelmingly scunnered. I have also learned new things about myself and more importantly, God. Whether I have been praising and thanking Him for his presence and provision or crying out to Him in confusion and despair, He has remained constant and unchanging. I am thankful I can put my trust in that.

I have been slowly developing a new mini career for myself over the past year in cake decorating and I have been pretty astounded how well it has been going. I baked and decorated my first ever birthday cake for a friend a year ago and I am now receiving orders for wedding cakes. I feel a bit out of my depth at times, but I have really enjoyed nurturing my artistic side since I was a wee girl and I feel I have been given this new avenue to be challenged in. I'm thankful for that.

I often thank God for giving this opportunity to me. With a body that is so tired and in pain most of the time, my career opportunities were severely limited. I worried that I would have no option but be stuck in an office, dragging myself into the workplace on days where I would have spent all my energy that morning just trying to get up and have a shower on time.... Now, I don't think there is anything wrong with working in an office- I must admit I have liked the idea of wearing a smart suit and hanging about water coolers, but I'm more of a practical person who quickly loses motivation if things are even slightly mundane.

How blessed I felt when God led me down a road where I could still do creative things but from home. I love getting up and busying myself in the kitchen, knowing I can sit down and rest when I get tired (like right now as my cake bakes away while I sit and type). It is also great that I don't have to wash my hair or fuss over what to wear each day. I also don't have to put up with rush hour traffic anymore... although wading through all my cake tins and boxes of icing occasionally produces irritation similar to road rage.

I have spoken to God about my new set up many times, and at the risk of sounding ungrateful I have occasionally expressed how much I still miss my old work. I miss investing in people, spending time with children and their families and celebrating breakthroughs in the lives of others. I can very often feel isolated amongst my cake batter and food colouring. Coming from a job where I was spending the entire day in and out of family homes to being in my wee home alone has been a hard adjustment. I somehow felt that I didn't have the right to express this to God, especially after all He has blessed me with over the past couple years, but the Bible does say I can cast all my anxieties upon Him, so I did- even if it was so He could stop me from being anxious about these things!

So a couple of weeks ago, I found myself in my old work delivering a cake to an old colleague. My heart ached as I saw all the familiar faces and ached even more when I walked through and some people didn't even know who I was. Things had continued to move on and everything was progressing without me. I felt sad not being a part of it. As I walked by the office door of my old boss, I glanced in the window. She welcomed me in for a seat despite being in a meeting with an old colleague, which was nice. We chatted for a while and I confessed that I missed the work I did and being with the service users. My boss thought for a moment and then asked if I would be interested in coming back on a sessional basis to do cake decorating classes. She had been wanting to introduce some new activities to the services and just in that moment thought about cake decorating.

We have met up since then and are in the process of setting this up. She showed me the new arts wing that has recently been opened in the centre and showed me the room where I could come in and work. A beautiful bright studio with reclaimed furniture and huge windows. I drove home from our last meeting just in awe of how God works. I have found so much contentment in working from home, and yet He still chooses to make provision for the seemingly small issues that were tugging at my heart- all I had to do was ask Him! God knew that it would become an increasing struggle to work in isolation and therefore put something in place to help me with that.

So what have I learned? God provides. But more than that, He blesses me. And even more than that, He lavishes blessings on me! God has not only been taking care of the big issues, but also the tiny microscopic details that make up who I am and how I work. But what's even more incredible is that God hasn't blessed me with this because of who I am, but because of who He is! He is loving, and gracious and good. I rejoice in the fact that the little details are known to Him, and that He even bothers to care. And I rejoice that He is faithful in all things.

 My first Cake...

...One year on!