As I was speaking to the pleasant business advisor, I revealed that I have more or less stumbled upon this venture due to the changes of my health meaning I couldn't do my old job. He asked what I used to do and I began to explain. He remarked that I looked as if I was about to cry- and he was right. I wasn't sure if I was hurting or just reflecting fondly...Whatever it was, I told him that I didn't really want to talk about it more than I had to.
It has been about a year since I was a playworker for children with complex needs and I haven't really thought about it too much, partly because I want to move forward and partly because it just makes me too sad.
I remember my first visit to a family home which soon became a house I visited three times a week. The family had two disabled children fighting the same terminal disease. The house was over run with nurses and home helps. The situation was very extreme, but a very real picture of what life can be like with a disabled child. I was assigned to work with the youngest who was only two at the time. I remember staring at her wondering how on earth I could play with her...She couldn't open her eyes, communicate, move or even breathe on her own and I couldn't move her too much because her bones were too brittle due to osteoporosis. I was stumped. I often sat at my desk with my head in my hands thinking of ideas and I thankfully had some very talented and wise colleagues who offered advice and encouragement. I soon developed a beautiful routine of the hungry caterpillar story, making it come to life each time through sensory objects.We repeated it for weeks on end. I would climb on the bed and lie close to her and watch for any signs of communication. Her family, nurses and anyone else in the house would rejoice when she closed her lips as this meant she was responding. It was all she gave us but it meant so much.
I remember when she passed away. Her dad phoned me in the early morning before I even left for work. I spent the weekend with the family and tried to support them with their grief; and sought to glean some support for mine. She was buried with the little caterpillar we made from eggboxes and I remember feeling so conflicted between maintaining a certain level of professionalism and being utterly devastated.
I remember every child I've worked with. Their siblings names, their parents names, grandparents, family friends, even wee Margaret/ Jan/ Ina etc who lived next door. Each child has been so precious to me and I treasure all their wee ways. I am thankful that despite the often difficult circumstances I witnessed, my job was far from depressing. The fact I was accepted into so many family homes was something I never took for granted. There were some places where I turned up, spent time with the kid doing lovely things and leave again, but there were also some families who I really got to know and love. I just hope they know just how much I genuinely cared and the tremendous affection I had for their wee ones.
Nothing would compare to having a visually impared child track an object with their eyes, a child with no communication utter their first sound or give a sign, or have an autistic child look at me in the eye. My greatest priviledge however was showing God's love to these kids. There were some families which allowed me to spend some still quiet moments before my play sessions with them in prayer. We would pray for fun, our friendship and healing. Towards the end of my time with my work the families actually prayed for my healing too. That was truely humbling.
At Harvest we always talk about doing life on life with one another and I really believe that's what worked best in my job. The children didn't care about my status or what my job was, they just wanted to play with me. The parents wanted to know about me and my life and it was this two-way relationship that made it real. I cried when they cried, shared in their wee victories and flicked through holiday photos. Parents don't just want a professional giving them solutions, they want someone who genuinely cares about their children.
I wasn't the best playworker in the world. I could be disorganised, forgetful and my time keeping was skills were often questionable. I am not irreplaceable and all the families will no doubt survive without me! But I have struggled with knowing what God was doing by taking this away from me. But one thing I do know is that I can trust Him. I am called to glorify God and live my life for Him above all else and in return, He is teaching me amazing things along the way.
Although I miss my old job, I am thankful I have been blessed with something I enjoy just as much. I haven't had to resort to some rubbish job that I hate; I have the opportunity to be creative which is a huge part of who I am. This is one of the reasons I can say that God is good! God has sustained me through much and the Bible says that He gives and takes away. I have full assurance and peace in my heart of God's good and perfect plan. Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.
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