You're not worth it either.

 I remember promising myself that I wouldn't become one of those mums who constantly posted pictures and updates about their kids; that resolution was blown to pieces within the first 24 hours of Oskar being born. Most people are sweet about it and say they enjoy seeing what he's up to, but I know some people probably find it irritating. But that's ok- I still think he's pretty awesome. For me, it's photos of food that cause me to scroll through my newsfeed with mild contempt- usually because it makes my bowl of cheesy pasta look pretty lame.

However, the king of all loathed posts has to be the quote posts. Perhaps it's the derisive cynic in me, but I find these posts more cringe worthy than inspirational. What's worse is that these quotes are being churned out as cliche wall stickers for the home or being accompanied by a picture of a minion- but that is a whole other issue. 

On the most part, these kind of posts just cause me to roll my eyes and snigger- and I do apologise to anyone who genuinely gleans warm fuzzies from this kind of stuff. Every now and then however, I find myself pausing as I scroll through the social media...and I feel disturbed. I am noticing that people are posting quotes that seem poetic or philisophical, but are in fact condeming, passive aggressive, and damaging. And it grieves me.

Since when do we decide if someone's worth it? And by what standards do we meausure the worth of another? By what we get in return? By how much someone indulges our selfish bent and appreciates how much we deserve to be adored? How disgustingly self absorbed!

Do we really believe that people are only 'worth it' when they recognise how much we're 'worth it'?

It's actually paradoxical; a subtle, deadly poison seeping into our hearts shaping the way we regard and treat others. Because someone doesn't reply to our texts, lets us down, speaks poorly about us, they are not worth knowing? No forgiveness, reconciliation or perspective?

And what about people who actually have nothing to offer? Who are passing through a dark season of life and are low on emotional and relational resources? Who have limited mirth, or wisdom or time to offer? You and I have been that person before. And to my complete shame, I have been the person to shun also.

Where would I be if my God regarded me in this same way? I would be without a saviour. What if he decided I wasn't worth it? I wouldn't have a redeeming cross to cling to. And neither would you. Is my sinful soul deserving of eternal life and glory? Are my selfish actions, critical and condeming attitude and damaging words worthy of receiving grace and abundant blessing from my creator? Yeah, didn't think so. And yet despite all this, Jesus showed I was worth it. And He died on a cross so I could receive it. 

How can I not then extend this same grace to others? Offer frienships and kindness to people regardless of my gain. Yes, some efforts may go unrequited much like our relationship with Christ- and yet His goodness is abundant and his love is relentless. I grow wearisome, impatient and burdensome and yet God has never rejected me. I have nothing to offer him; no way of repaying Him and He accepted me anyway. My sentiment could be regarded as somewhat naive, and yet it is what christ calls us to do- 'love your neighbour as yourself.' Mark 12v31.

6 years...

This weekend marks another year of Harvest Bible Chapel Glasgow- 6 to be exact. Most people know how I feel about this place I call home and the people contained within it. But my affections for my church trancend a mere sentimental fondness, but recognise it as the place where my relationship with God grew more intimate than I ever knew was possible; and with every passing year I am delving deeper.

My time at Harvest hasn't been some saccharine experience where I have been reassured that God wants to make all my dreams come true and bend to my every whim for the sake of my own comfort. What I have encountered is something way more profound; discovering exactly who God is and who I am in light of this. I am actually very small, weak and quite frankly hopeless. This is what I hear most Sundays. 

In a culture where self is exalted and we are encouraged to be driven by hedonism, this message can leave most people with a sour taste- even some Christians. But through the teaching and ministering of others at Harvest I have learned that Jesus didn't come to give hugs and guarantees of a life free of hardship. After all, people can't endure the burdens of life by clinging to warm fuzzies.
It's only through having a right view of Jesus we can live a life of right perspective. Whether I have been dealing with personal sorrow, doubt, conflict, descisions or sin, I have been constantly reminded by my brothers and sisters in Harvest that God is sovreign, faithful, holy and just. These aren't things that are dependant on my state of mind or relative to my perception of a situation, these are things I can cling to; these things are tangible.
Without the discerning teaching and loving disciplship of my church family, I would still be left believing that I am the hero, that I am right, and that God is just an additional to my aresnal. But God is my ordnance for every circumstance.
So I'm thankful for Harvest. It is a place where Christ is elevated and the people stand firm on His word. It is a place where it is far more important to lovingly hold one another accountable than to leave eachother to advance on a trajectory which will inevitably lead to self destruct. There is courage of conviction and an integrty which is humble and sincere. My soul is simultaneously pacified and ignited every time I abide here and know i can entrust my soul to its care for years to come; confident that I will be continually sanctified for a life that serves my saviour and one day, dwell in eternity with Him. 

Girl Power?

There has been a lot of media attention surrounding Miley Cyrus following the MTV awards at the weekend. To say her performance was provocative is an understatement, and she caused even the most liberal members of the public to recoil in shock. I'm sure Miss Cyrus is completely unperturbed by the backlash, and in fact, this was probably her intention to fuel further publicity.  My reaction when I watched it was not necessarily one of outrage though, instead I felt deep despair. She is only 20 years old after all.

This image is unfortunately nothing new. Over the years women have continually pushed the boundaries, and men have allowed them. A lot of women would argue that looking, dressing and displaying themselves in ways that Miley did is a liberating thing; that it is empowering. I'm sorry, but these people are fooling themselves. The whole thing is a blatant paradox. There is nothing empowering about causing your fellow women to sneer in jealousy, or having men look upon you as an object merely for their viewing pleasure.

I felt so sad when I watched Miley. Her beautiful face all twisted, her hair all shaved and her admittedly cracking figure wrapped in flesh coloured underwear. I wonder if she felt 'girl power' as she marched around the stage. All I could ask myself was, 'where is the elegance, the grace and the feminine virtue?' Did she go home and think she represented women well? That she inspired young girls? Maybe I'm being naïve in thinking that there was even an objective. I'm not picking on Miley though, there will be many girls after her pushing the boundaries.

I then think about what God says about women. In Proverbs 31, it speaks of a woman who is full of virtue. She clothes her herself with strength and dignity. She speaks wisdom. I want to be like that instead of consumed with how attractive I am or how hard I can party. I want to have girl friends like that, who are inspiring and give wise counsel. And I'm sure men want a girl like that on their arm, who is admired for her grace and dignity.

Society often believes that God and the Bible promote a view of women that is oppressive and sexist. It is in fact the opposite. Today's culture is forever guilty of placing women as sexual objects to be desired. If you are not physically attractive then you are not desirable. Ask yourself ladies, do you want to be admired for having a slim figure, perfect hair and a sizeable shoe collection? Do you gain your affirmation from the amount of guys who flirt with you when you are out? Do you enjoy it when other women are clearly jealous of how you look? Do you and your friends feel like the best way to encourage and support one another is to reassure them of how good they look?

Or do you want to pour out wisdom to your friends, and sound counsel that will grow their character? Or what about taking no joy from division and jealousy but instead strive for friendship and unity with your fellow girls. Or what about desiring for a man to be so attracted to your poise and dignity that he would develop deep respect and affection for your character? Or what about people to admire you for your strength as a woman?

People often forget that refining and strengthening your character and spirit can cause you to become outwardly attractive in a way that is far more beautiful than vain physical beauty. I hope Miley can realise this too. She doesn't have to display herself in such outrageous ways to gain respect, admiration or attention- and neither do you.

'Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.' Proverbs 31v30

This is the Lord's doing...

This weekend celebrates the 4th birthday of my church Harvest Bible Chapel Glasgow. Most churches have a legacy going back decades, and sometimes centuries. My church would be looked upon as still in its infancy and in many cases this is true, but I've been reflecting a lot recently on the past few years and been pretty overwhelmed at everything that it has been through.

I have been encouraged by the weekly dedication of others who come with an eager heart to serve and use their talents in incredible ways. From ministries that are public and up front, to the ones that are hidden and rarely recognised. There is a humility and commitment that never ceases to challenge me.

I have learned what it means to be part of a vertical church, what worship is, how I can be an excellent wife, what the bible says about being W.I.S.E and studied  Philippians, Acts, Jonah, Ephesians, Hebrews, Nehemiah and Genesis to name a few.

I have found that the people of Harvest are excellent at baking, cooking, having barbeques in the rain, opening up their homes and extending hospitality, cracking jokes, going to Starbucks, reading books, eating loads of food, and playing games...

...Did I mention we like to eat?

I have seen the fruits of investing in the children of Harvest and are challenged by the fact their bible knowledge rivals my own. I have heard my nephew lead his family to pray before he was 2 years old, recite verses of scripture and tell me the fruits of the spirit.

I have witnessed the people of Harvest step up and serve those in need. Every new mother has had homemade meals brought to their door for the first two weeks of their child's life. Teams of people have helped others with their garden, moving house, decorating rooms, and cleaning their home. Families in crisis have had groceries bought and delivered to their door just when they thought they couldn't afford to feed themselves for more than the next couple days.

I have noticed that I don't hear gossip or slander. The privacy of others is safeguarded and the integrity of others is maintained. People are held accountable and supported in love, sensitivity and care. Honesty and vulnerability is encouraged whilst pride is constantly challenged.

Relationships are nurtured and built on God's biblical outline. Whether it is parents and kids, husbands and wives, shepherds and their sheep, friends and family. Fellowship is constant, counsel is Godly, and prayer support is essential.

Harvest came into my life just in time. It supported and celebrated with me when I married my sweetheart and found a new identity in being a wife, it was there when my sister was fighting for her life after the birth of her son and provided meals every day for 2 months, it sustained me through the sudden decline in my own health, providing prayer, counsel and practical help, it comforted me as I lost my job, it was a source of encouragement through other personal loss.

I have been told that our Christian walk is a 'life on life' thing, that we are called to 'worship, walk, and work' for God's glory. I have been encouraged to 'not despair, but depend', because 'all it takes is all we have'. And I have been challenged to 'don't stop now'!

And I won't stop, and we won't stop, because what is happening here is God's doing.

'This is the Lord's doing;
    it is marvellous in our eyes!' Psalm 118v23

And at the end of every Sunday, for the past 4 years I have heard 'You are Loved.' And thanks to my church, and the God that we serve, I know that it's true.


http://vimeo.com/68692213
 

It's all in the detail.

The two year mark is quickly approaching. Two years since the pain started and life as I knew it changed. This season of my life has brought blessings and hardship in equal measure. I have struggled with all the challenges living with a chronic pain condition brings, and I have spent many days feeling overwhelmingly scunnered. I have also learned new things about myself and more importantly, God. Whether I have been praising and thanking Him for his presence and provision or crying out to Him in confusion and despair, He has remained constant and unchanging. I am thankful I can put my trust in that.

I have been slowly developing a new mini career for myself over the past year in cake decorating and I have been pretty astounded how well it has been going. I baked and decorated my first ever birthday cake for a friend a year ago and I am now receiving orders for wedding cakes. I feel a bit out of my depth at times, but I have really enjoyed nurturing my artistic side since I was a wee girl and I feel I have been given this new avenue to be challenged in. I'm thankful for that.

I often thank God for giving this opportunity to me. With a body that is so tired and in pain most of the time, my career opportunities were severely limited. I worried that I would have no option but be stuck in an office, dragging myself into the workplace on days where I would have spent all my energy that morning just trying to get up and have a shower on time.... Now, I don't think there is anything wrong with working in an office- I must admit I have liked the idea of wearing a smart suit and hanging about water coolers, but I'm more of a practical person who quickly loses motivation if things are even slightly mundane.

How blessed I felt when God led me down a road where I could still do creative things but from home. I love getting up and busying myself in the kitchen, knowing I can sit down and rest when I get tired (like right now as my cake bakes away while I sit and type). It is also great that I don't have to wash my hair or fuss over what to wear each day. I also don't have to put up with rush hour traffic anymore... although wading through all my cake tins and boxes of icing occasionally produces irritation similar to road rage.

I have spoken to God about my new set up many times, and at the risk of sounding ungrateful I have occasionally expressed how much I still miss my old work. I miss investing in people, spending time with children and their families and celebrating breakthroughs in the lives of others. I can very often feel isolated amongst my cake batter and food colouring. Coming from a job where I was spending the entire day in and out of family homes to being in my wee home alone has been a hard adjustment. I somehow felt that I didn't have the right to express this to God, especially after all He has blessed me with over the past couple years, but the Bible does say I can cast all my anxieties upon Him, so I did- even if it was so He could stop me from being anxious about these things!

So a couple of weeks ago, I found myself in my old work delivering a cake to an old colleague. My heart ached as I saw all the familiar faces and ached even more when I walked through and some people didn't even know who I was. Things had continued to move on and everything was progressing without me. I felt sad not being a part of it. As I walked by the office door of my old boss, I glanced in the window. She welcomed me in for a seat despite being in a meeting with an old colleague, which was nice. We chatted for a while and I confessed that I missed the work I did and being with the service users. My boss thought for a moment and then asked if I would be interested in coming back on a sessional basis to do cake decorating classes. She had been wanting to introduce some new activities to the services and just in that moment thought about cake decorating.

We have met up since then and are in the process of setting this up. She showed me the new arts wing that has recently been opened in the centre and showed me the room where I could come in and work. A beautiful bright studio with reclaimed furniture and huge windows. I drove home from our last meeting just in awe of how God works. I have found so much contentment in working from home, and yet He still chooses to make provision for the seemingly small issues that were tugging at my heart- all I had to do was ask Him! God knew that it would become an increasing struggle to work in isolation and therefore put something in place to help me with that.

So what have I learned? God provides. But more than that, He blesses me. And even more than that, He lavishes blessings on me! God has not only been taking care of the big issues, but also the tiny microscopic details that make up who I am and how I work. But what's even more incredible is that God hasn't blessed me with this because of who I am, but because of who He is! He is loving, and gracious and good. I rejoice in the fact that the little details are known to Him, and that He even bothers to care. And I rejoice that He is faithful in all things.

 My first Cake...

...One year on!

The Christmas masterplan

I haven't felt very 'Christmassy' this year. I've decked my tree, wrapped all my presents and made more Christmas cakes than I can count! I thought it was these kind of things that filled you with the Christmas spirit? The only times I have felt a warmth in my heart and butterflies in my tummy this Christmas has been in moments I never would have expected...even for me.

I was brought up on Nativities, carol services, and Bible stories describing what happened at Christmas. I have loved God my whole life and gave my life to Jesus when I was a teenager. I have also been swept up in the side of Christmas that is growing more and more popular where Christmas means time off work with family and presents. Despite my best efforts however, I have never felt the complete impact of the Christmas story until now. It hasn't been a bolt out of the blue as I know the story forwards and backwards, inside and out. And it hasn't been something I promised to really dwell on this year. It has just been something God has been revealing to me in a beautiful gentle way over the past weeks and months. I know why Jesus came as a baby...but to I really understand just what this meant?! I thought I would share a few wee things I have realised and learned about God.

God keeps his promises. At church this Sunday we learned about Jesus' genealogy (which can be found in Matthew chapter 1) which can be traced all the way back to Abraham. He story is well known for a few things but one of the stories most people recall is that God promised Abraham he would have a baby. After many many (many) years, the baby was born. They waited a long time for this promise and for a while it probably seemed like God had forgotten, but this is just one example of how God always keeps His promises.

Did you know that you can read about God promising Jesus back in the time of Adam and Eve? When they sinned, God declared that He would send a saviour (Genesis 3v15) to repair the broken relationship with God and man. This assures me that God has a plan. God always has a plan, and before the dawn of time, He had a plan. He had a plan to save mankind and He has a plan for my life. God is never suprised, never caught out, never stumped at what to do next. Even right back and Genesis when sin first entered the world, He was right there with mercy. He didn't need a few days, months or years to figure out what to do with the mess, and despite the sacrifice He knew He would have to make- he gave it so freely.

I have some friends who have recently had babies. They are the most beautiful wee things and everytime I take the sweet little bundle in my arms I am constantly reminded of how innocent and vulnerable they are. Completely dependent on their parents for love and care. It has really helped me when thinking about Jesus and the tiny baby He once was. I am then struck by the fact that He wasn't always that way, and then I get thinking about where He was before He came to earth.

God's love cannot be fathomed. Jesus was in Heaven and being glorified within the Trinity. He was in the place of perfection. And He was perfection. Why should God have even cared about us? We made the mess, we should live in it. We blew it. We were in a state of utter hopelesness, but why would God want to come all the way down to this rotten world and help us? For me, there isn't much competiton between endless glory, light and perfection and a dark sinful world where the people would ultimately reject, ridicule and kill you. But for the tiny minority that would accept Him, He came. Phillipians 2v6-8 says 'Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.' He emptied Himself, and left His throne in Heaven for me.

For me Jesus in that manger isn't just a cute story. It is the biggest sacrifice in the history of time. This was it. God's masterplan, the promise given hundreds of years ago was finally given. God now had to stand and watch Jesus grow and lead a perfect life. He had to watch Him as He pleaded with people to accept the gift that God was giving them. He watched as He gave sight to the blind, healed the sick and saved the sinners. And He had to watch His broken body hanging from a cross being ridiculed and mocked. Such is His love.

Who has believed what he has heard from us?
And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
² For he grew up before him like a young plant,
and like a root out of dry ground;
he had no form or majesty that we should look at him,
and no beauty that we should desire him.
³ He was despised and rejected by men;
a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief;
and as one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

⁴ Surely he has borne our griefs
and carried our sorrows;
yet we esteemed him stricken,
smitten by God, and afflicted.
⁵ But he was pierced for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
and with his wounds we are healed.
⁶ All we like sheep have gone astray;
we have turned—every one—to his own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.

 

Isaiah 53v1-6

absent from the body=present with the Lord

Just heard the news of little Caden Beggan; a brave wee boy who fought against meningococcal septicaemia. His story swept through social media and thousands of us anticipated his fathers daily posts telling us of his perilous wee journey. I don't know the family personally, but they live a few streets from me and Caden attended the primary school up my road. It was so hard to read about Caden's broken little body and how this disease robbed him and his family of so much. But the most upsetting thing to me personally was the fact that this wasn't a story that was new to me.

My work with children with complex needs brought me into contact with many families in the same situation. The conditions that attacked their children were all very different, but the sorrow and emotional rollercoaster they had to endure were pretty much identical. I think back to the many times when I walked through the doors at Yorkhill or to the home of a family and was met with sobbing parents who had just lost their child. There is nothing that can compare to the horror.

I have realised that it didn't matter how young they were, the amount they contributed to society or how developed their character was, the loss of a child leaves a gaping hole that no one can comprehend. Nothing has equated to the grief I have felt at the loss of a child, and as someone who doesn't even have children of my own, I cannot comprehend how far reaching the sorrow is for the family and especially for the parents who have brought them into the world and raised them.
 
As I have joined the world in looking on as Caden fought for his life, I was always thinking about the many other families in our community who are going through the exact same struggle. Caden was in Yorkhill with countless other children with their lives in the balance. Caden's family did a geat job in raising awareness and lifting people out of their own self absorbed bubbles. I just hope that Cadens little legacy will cause us to be more mindful of all the other families who are going through the same circumstances without the well wishes of thousands...I'm sure it's what the Beggans would hope to achieve through their honest and candid deocumenting of Caden's fight.

One thing that we can have hope and rejoice in is that Caden is not sleeping, or even resting. He is whole, and in glory with his Heavenly Father along with the other precious children I have loved and lost. In God's mercy, He has taken Caden and restored him to Himself in a body that is so complete and pure and He is in a place that supercedes anything on this broken and fallen earth. Caden's parents will also see him again because they have found salvation in Jesus and nothing can take that from them. It is just a pity that they will have to wait a while longer. But for those who hope in God can look forward to the day when 'He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.' Revelation 21v4.

 

There's a peace I've come to know though my heart and flesh may fail. There's an anchor for my soul, I can say it is well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yvfso4Q8xg